There is a consistent theme developing with those who do not make it in the Sober Living home. They blame others, bash the house, me, the program… anything other than themselves. It’s disgusting and cowardly. The sad reality is that they will never succeed in their efforts to stay clean and sober much less life in general if they cannot grasp the concept of deep and honest accountability for their actions.
I’ve had guys slip but then enter back into the home (after following the protocols for a relapse) and learn from the mistake… become better from it. Not everyone is so fortunate after a relapse. Many don’t make it back or even survive. It’s a battle zone here in the trenches!
I gain a lot of respect for someone who learns from their mistakes. Takes full ownership and humbly moves on after “licking their wounds”. I’ve literally had nightmares about such a scenario. I love the comeback story! One guy particular in the house just went through this and there are some other flavors of success along these lines with other dudes as well. Witnessing their miraculous change for the better is such a blessing in my life… there are no words to explain. It’s why I do it.
When I see someone slipping down the path of destruction, even a little bit, it’s not uncommon for me to think “what would their kids want me to say” (or their parents, or siblings, etc.)…. and I try to say it. Experience shows that sometimes my words help and other times it’s a futile effort. The choice is ultimately up to the individual and I’m just in a position which requires that I assist in the consequence department.
The truth is… I love it. And, I’m good at it. There hasn’t been a headache in this Sober Living business yet that’s made me question whether I’m doing the right thing or not. I feel this is my calling…. that it makes all the pain and struggles I’ve experienced (and overcome) worth something. It feels good to give away what was so freely given to me so I can keep it.
My thoughts and prayers truly do stay with my fallen brothers (and sisters) who couldn’t catch on to the necessities of a clean and sober life. A way of living with integrity, relentless honesty and honor. I know the pain and suffering they surely are in the midst of…. been there. But, at a certain point in our life, I believe that each one of us has a choice. I believe that there is a very defined moment of clarity that comes to us all when we have the wherewithal to accept a different direction. A way that can take us out of the circumstances in which we did not have control. A time where we can take back the reigns and say “I’m in charge of my life now!” (aka, freedom). But to get there we must go through some steps. In my experience, it was 12 of them (to be specific). And, where it led me to was complete accountability, accepting life on life’s terms, learning what is in my control and what is not in my control, and a whole lot of other useful tools.
I hope these guys catch on….. thoughts and prayers with you until then. Come back home when you’re done.